Healing the Mother & Father Wound: A Deep Journaling Journey

Step 1: Uncovering Your Childhood Needs

Reflect on your childhood experiences with both parents. Write down at least 10 needs you had but did not receive—both emotional and material—from your mother and father.

Now, write letters to each of them, expressing your desires and frustrations as if you were still a child. Don’t filter your words—let your inner child speak freely.

Dear Mother,
When I was a child, I was missing from you… (list your needs)
I so wanted you to… (express what you longed for)

Dear Father,
When I was a child, I was missing from you… (list your needs)
I so wanted you to… (express what you longed for)

Take a deep breath and acknowledge any emotions that arise. This is a safe space to feel.

Step 2: The Core Longing

Look at both letters. If you could go back and ask your parents to fulfill only one desire each, which one would it be?

Now, combine these two core desires into a single sentence:
My deepest longing is…

You are likely still seeking to fulfill this need today. Becoming aware of this longing will help you understand your patterns in relationships.

Understanding How Your Childhood Wounds Shape Your Relationships

Step 3: Identifying Patterns in Partner Attraction

Whether you are single or in a relationship, this next exercise will reveal the ways your unmet childhood needs influence your romantic choices.

For Those Seeking a Partner

Write down 10 adjectives or qualities you are searching for in a partner:
I want my partner to be…

Now, examine this list. Do any of these qualities resemble the things you lacked from your mother or father? Do you notice yourself looking for a partner to meet the needs your parents didn’t?

For Those in a Relationship

Describe your current partner with 10 adjectives or phrases:
My partner is…

Now, compare this list with the image of your mother and father from Step 1.

• Do you see any patterns?

• Are you subconsciously recreating the dynamic you had with your parents?

• Are you still seeking the love, validation, or security that was absent in childhood?

You might find yourself saying, “I can’t believe how much my partner resembles my parents.” This is a powerful realisation. It means your subconscious is still trying to resolve past wounds.

Step 4: Breaking Free & Reclaiming Your Power

Now that you see the connection between your childhood wounds and your romantic relationships, reflect on these questions:

• How can I start giving myself the love, validation, or security I seek from a partner?

• What is one small way I can reparent myself starting today?

• What new, healthier patterns do I want to cultivate in love?

Step 5: Releasing & Making Peace with the Past

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the pain—it means freeing yourself from its grip. One of the most powerful ways to move forward is to acknowledge the good alongside the hurt.

Why is this important?
Holding onto resentment ties you to the past. While you may not have received everything you needed as a child, your parents gave you something—whether love in their own way, lessons in resilience, or even just life itself. Gratitude allows you to integrate your past without being controlled by it.

Write a letter of gratitude to your parents:

• Dear Mother, thank you for… (list what you appreciate, even if small)

• Dear Father, thank you for… (acknowledge what they gave you)

This does not mean excusing past wounds. It means recognising that healing comes from acceptance, not blame.

Closing Affirmations

Read these affirmations aloud and choose the one that resonates with you most:

I am no longer seeking in others what I can give myself.

I am worthy of love that feels safe, kind, and nurturing.

I break the cycle and choose relationships that empower me.

I release expectations that my partner must heal my past wounds.